i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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