so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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