I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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