he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?