I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen