I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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