Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.