im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the condom got lost in my hair
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB