he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
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look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
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I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.