you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.