I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
