My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
