So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
