if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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