i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
