Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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