Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
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Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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