I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
