And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
