I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
