Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
