The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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