This dress was meant to end up on your floor
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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