I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
