You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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