I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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