You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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