I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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