Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
