What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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