I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
