My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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