i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
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Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
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you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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