so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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