She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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