"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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