I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
