Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
