this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
