Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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