she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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