drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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