I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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