sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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