Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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