Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize