my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
