She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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