I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
