When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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