Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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