honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
