i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
