If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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