for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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