My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need water and some morals
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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