I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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