I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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