It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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