You can't motorboat a personality
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
