He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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