I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I died a long time ago.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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