we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
