Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
