The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
