my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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