I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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