wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
