I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
