you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
