Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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