we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize