I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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